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Wednesday, 30 July 2008

  • Tying the Knot

    knot

    So, it seems as though so many of my friends (new and old) are tying the knot, as in getting married, consumating their relationships, and having babies. WHAT THE HECK.

    Back in the day, people used to get married at the age of 11 and have babies at 13. Nowadays, people are single well into their late 30's and either adopting or being inseminated to have babies. But, not my friends. Not the people I grew up with. Somehow, time is taking a turn and we babies are getting married and having more babies left and right. Great.

    Not that I'm upset or anything of that matter, maybe just a little bit confused. I thought I was coming into a society where having a family was the last thing on people's minds. I thought I was coming into a world or work and play, no time to get settled down. But now, as I see my good friends getting married straight out of high school, straight out of college, and having babies, I am forced to rethink my surroundings, my society.

    It's interesting, the two worlds that are so different. At church, I see so many beautiful single people, and wonder why so few of them are tying the knot. At school and in other parts of my life, I see the opposite. It's amazing how marriage and having a family is so real and current for some people, and just a fantasy for others. I wonder where I lie in this mess. What knot am I tying, and when?

    I suppose my love life has been kept to a minimum, not by choice of course. And for so long I've been thinking that it could never happen to me. Then finally one day, someone told me to identify with my heart's desire. And I did, and now I'm open. Now, I'm looking. Got it, boys? Yes, this girl is looking. But this is not an open invitation. Of course, with every girl, there are requirements. ;)

    Anyway, back to the point. My peers are changing the world, once more. It's this age group that is once again, starting something new. We set a precedence for family now. And this is kind of scary. Are we ready to get married? Are we ready to have babies, when we are still babies ourselves? Or are these questions just results of standards that society has put on us? Are we moving back in time? Or forward? I'm so confused. And maybe I'm envious of all those who are living beautiful lives with their husbands, having beautiful children, and experiencing the nuclear family. But are they?

    I've always wanted to tie the knot later than sooner. I've always wanted to be free, not held back or tied down by anyone. But somehow, my heart's greatest desire is to turn back time when people settled down early. Somehow, I eagerly want to be a wife, a mother. Somehow, I want to fit into my generation.

     

     

Thursday, 26 June 2008

  • Poodle Poof




    There once was a poodle, named Theodore. Theodore was shy and didn’t have a lot of friends. All the other dogs called him “nerdy” and saw him as a weak canine, but Theodore was a swimmer. He liked to swim everyday, and if anyone would race him, he would probably win. Though Theodore was the champion in the pool, he wasn’t seen to be so cool when he got out of the pool. One day, Theodore was in the pool, but when he got out and shook off the water, his fur immediately poofed out! The other dogs walking by began to laugh at him because his fur was so curly and poofy when it dried. Ashamed and blushing, Theodore put his head down, his tail between his hind legs, and walked away.

    When Theodore got home, he saw his mom and started to cry. “What’s the matter, son?” she asked. Theodore replied, “I hate my poofy, poodle fur. All the other kids laugh at me when I get out of the pool because when it dries, my fur explodes with poofiness! It’s not fair. Why can’t I be like those retrievers with long golden blonde, silky smooth, fur? Or, maybe a Chihuahua that doesn’t have any fur? It’s not fair!” His mom looked at him with sympathetic eyes. After some silence she said, “Sweetie, you are beautiful the way you are. Sure, it is hard having a lot of poof as a poodle, but poodles are beautiful. That’s why so many humans love us! Be proud of your poof, son. I am proud of your poof, and you should be, too. Come with me; let’s get you a poodle cut so you can have a little more control over your poof”. After she talked to Theodore, the two of them set off to the groomer to get a poodle-cut. Theodore felt hopeful now that he was going to get his poof under control.

    Theodore sat patiently while he let the groomer chop away his poof. When she stopped, he was sure it looked amazing. He imagined that his new look would be dashing, controlled, and would win the ladies over in a nanosecond. When the mirror came up, Theodore turned his head to look with a smile on his face. Then… GASP! Theodore gasped and yelped like something had just bitten him hard. His entire body was shaved and he had one big poof on his head! He could barely see himself in the mirror because it covered his eyes. Theodore was devastated. He was sure that everyone at dog school would laugh at him. The next day, Theodore tried to hide from all the other dogs, but he couldn’t stay hidden for long. A group of boy dogs found him and there was a roar of laughter. The girls heard this and walked over to see what they were laughing at. Some of the girls thought it was funny, but one girl named Linda kind of liked Theodore’s new cut.

    After the other dogs left, Linda walked up to Theodore and said, “Hey, Theo. I like your new cut. It’s cool”. Theodore replied, “Theo? Me? Yeah, right. Everyone else is laughing, don’t you see?” Linda giggled and said, “Theo, don’t worry about them. They only laugh because they find something wrong with themselves and want to feel better. So, they make fun of you. But I like your new cut. I think it’s cool, and you should too.” Linda walked away, and Theo was left feeling more confident. Then he remembered what his mom said about being proud. Theo chose to be proud. Theo knew that if he liked himself, then others would see the confidence he had. So Theo decided to stand up straighter, head lifted high. During recess, Theo stood tall and walked past the crowd of other dogs that were laughing at him earlier. Some of the boys began to snicker at him again, but the girls saw his confidence and they were silent. All the girls did was watch him walk by and they smiled. The other boys who had been snickering saw that the girls liked Theo’s new confidence, so they stopped laughing.

    The next day, was quite a sight! Theo walked into dog school and when he looked around he saw that all the girls were smiling at him and all the boys had new haircuts, too! Interestingly, everyone’s new hairdo was the same as Theo’s, but since Theo was the only poodle at school, no one’s hair or fur looked like his. Only a poodle could pull off this particular cut, and the lady dogs liked the style on Theo. All the girls ran up to Theo, talking and smiling. Though Theo was shy, he remembered that his mom told him to be proud that he was a poodle. He was grateful for his mom’s wisdom because it was his confidence and love for himself that led other dogs to like him, too. Also, if it weren’t for his poodle poof, the haircut wouldn’t have looked good. So, yes, Theo was proud of being a poodle, and the other dogs were proud of being his friends. At the end of the day, Theo told his mom what had happened at school, and she smiled and said, “My dear poodle, I am proud of your poof”.

     

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

  • Focus

    fs-unfocused

    Focus.

               It's perception, connotation,

    interpretation. When you focus, you let all                     other things subside. The world

     

    around becomes a blur and the                                   only thing you know                          is that on which you

    fixate.                                         "I am focused",                 meaning, don't bother me. Or, it can mean

     

     that I've lost my mind and everything else          besides that on

                                                                                                       which I am fixates or focused.

                         Dissociation. Focus.                                     Focus on nothing.                                                                   Focus on everything and everything             becomes                                     

     

     nothing. The blur, the cloud.

     

     It's an enigma,                                                                                                               full of fear and mystery,                                     yet pleasant in its ambiguity.

               Focus.

Saturday, 31 May 2008

  • I'm So Tired

     

    tired

    Tired of feeling

               Tired of knowing

                           Tired of fighting every single day

                     The digression, regression

               To  days only known once before

          But time and time again

    Tired

             Wake Up

                       Awake

                            Awaken

                       But it's just a dream

                   To awake

              To know

           To feel

        To be tired once more

    I'm so tired.

     

Monday, 12 May 2008

  • The Growing


    It's cold outside, but my mission to get this paper written surpasses any ideal comfort. I rush to the nearest Coffee Bean, hoping there are open seats to house my anxious typing. The automatic doors close behind me and I begin my endeavor. Yet, rustlings, purchases, spilling, cleaning, and more rustling about delays me by minutes at a time. Tick tock..tick tock...

    3 hours pass, I have made one and a half steps of five. Tick tock, tick tock. But I am bored. The tedious task of tapping away at that which ceases to interest me but enthralls me at the same time. Paradox. Anticlimactic tendencies. Anxiety. Impossible resolution. Thomas Hardy. Neutral Tones.

    Riiingg, riiinggg..."Hello!" gently exclaims her sweet voice.

    K. Rae Sh. I miss her. "I miss you".

    Dialogue, to and fro, passing between two separated individuals, beautiful women of the Lord. Time and space has torn us apart but only in the physical realm. But the Spirit keeps us kindred, of fellow-feeling.

    Talk about the future, the passions, the heartache, the growing. The growing. What do we do? How do we do it? What are our callings? God leads us. We speak and think, we pray. Maybe our purposes aren't to change everything ourselves but to pray for change instead. I can't save everyone, but the Lord can. Yet, by no means do I give up. By no means do I leave the world unmarked by my endeavors and hopes. I must move, but if it is something that I expect to finish and complete in my lifetime, it is not my calling...for what I being in this life is to be completed by those that succeed me. Pass the baton.

    The growing. We love over the growing. I miss growing with you K. Rae. Coffee just isn't the same without you. But the music remains. The music still plays gently on the strings of my heart.

    We live, we grow. We grow. Together.



writeyourself

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    • Name: Stephanie
    • Birthday: 12/22/1987
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 3/19/2008

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